I'm sorry my penis didn't work
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
