if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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