I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
why is half of my head shaved?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
