u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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