it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
