he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
