i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I love you.
Bad choice
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
