Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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