Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
