alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
