but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
