Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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