just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
