she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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