my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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