Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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