Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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