just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
