Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
