Pappa wants mamma naked
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She even gives head with a lisp.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
