he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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