Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
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I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
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Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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