12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Sober January is a disaster.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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