i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
