didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
