I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
