I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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