Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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