My friends, they love my intelligence
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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