just survived the first fart of the relationship.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
