ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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