How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
