I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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