you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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