Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
