hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
