i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
