If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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