I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
