you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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