Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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