I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Welp...herpes.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
