My hand turned me down
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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