I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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