don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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