Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
