I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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