I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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