Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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