She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
