Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
