Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
