Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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