Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
