sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize