...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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