i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
