Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
