we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
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After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
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Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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