Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
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i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
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I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
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