i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
