Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
