Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
