weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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