We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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