I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
