no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
