i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
