i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
